The most important thing in the world to me is making my dad proud. He wants me to drive and get my lisence so that he can get a job since at the moment, he has to drive us everywhere. I need to be less selfish and just sacrifice my dislike for driving so that he can be proud of me. I need to believe in myself more, but I don't know why that seems to be so difficult to me.
I'm also very anxious and afraid that I won't get into any good schools because I am a dreadful writer. My dad always uplifts me, telling me that I've got the talent to write great admissions essays and that any school should be proud to accept me. His kindness and high regard for me melts my heart because he's my hero, but I know that he thinks so much of me since I'm his daughter and he loves me.
I am also doing bad in Government class. I have a 68.2% and that's not acceptable. I feel like puking at the thought of it! I am going to study my ASS off tomorrow and the day after because I need to get an A on the test. At least a B. Oh my God, I can't fail another test. That would fuck everything up.
I want my dad to be proud of me. I want acceptance. I want him to love me and be proud of me.
He has said in the past that I should exercise more. He wants me to be fit because he cares about me. It's not like I want to be fat either.
I feel sick because I am not who I want to be. I am mediochre. I've dropped out of soccer when I was 14, he loved that I played soccer. I'm not driving, he wants me to drive. I am not excelling in school, I need to bring my goddamn AP Gov grade or I will die. I will honestly die.
I would die and have to bury myself in a hole.
I need to get courage to drive. I need to be courageous. I need to believe in myself. I need to believe in myself. I feel sick. I want to be better in every single way but I keep falling short.
I can't fall short. This is my last year of living under his roof, my last year of grade school. I want to make him proud for once.
LIST OF THINGS I NEED TO DO:
- Finish my college app essays and feel good about them.
- Submit all of my applications
- Renew driver's permit
- Begin voulunteering at museum
- Get Senior Exhibition paper signed by lady @ the museum
- Bring up AP Gov grade
- Bring up AP Lit grade
- BRING UP ART GRADE (How dumb is it that I have an 86 in art? Really dumb)
- Work out every day at mama's house so that I can see toning and become slimmer
- Feel my dad actually be proud of me
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